We are all searching for something, even those who are not aware of it. Some have called it a search for something to fill a void, an empty spot in our soul. I think its more of a search for a reason. The simple desire to justify our existence. Its understandable. We live in a world based on a very depressing system. As children we are taught that we came from nothing, we return to nothing, and there really isn’t a reason to life. We live in a world based on a very depressing system. If your average person were to die, they could be buried, replaced at their job, and forgotten by the end of the week. We are all looking for reasons to call ourselves better than our equals. Something to justify our existence. Something to be proud of. Something to call our own. Something they will remember us by. Something to get us through the week. Something that will make us happy. Something to stop the pain.
Many people don’t know that they are searching, and thus don’t know what they are searching for. I guess its logical to not know what you are searching for, since you are searching for it. If you knew what it was you wouldn’t be searching for it, you would be trying to achieve it, unless of course whatever it is you are searching for is a literal object. I know that I am searching, but I really don’t know what it is I am looking for. I guess I could say I am searching for the way things should be, but I know its so much more. I am searching for the way I should be.
I know I will probably never find what I am looking for. Not many people do. I don’t fully understand what that means at this point. I look forward, to the people around me. Adults that once were searching. Some fancy themselves with the idea that they have found what they were looking for. Some aren’t content and never will be. Some have found apathy and are living for nothing at all. It makes me wonder about this search and the future I will find. I don’t want to ever stop this, because I know that when I do I will not start again. The world looks so much better in motion.
Have you ever been on a photographic scavenger hunt? Its fun because it challenges you to look at things differently. You are searching, and you have an objective, and you have your friends. During the hunt, you are willing to do stupid things, and look crazy, and it is fun, because you are searching for something. You are searching for something that only you need, something that only you understand. Once you have found it you go back to your original location, and eat pizza, and be lazy. But when you are out there, searching, you feel energy, you have drive, you are alive.
I guess thats how I feel about searching. One of the problems I have with searching is that it produces hundreds of questions, but it rarely seems to answer them. Searching can take its toll. It can grow tiresome. It can be frustrating, but its living. Its feeling. It is life. Searching is moving and the only other option is being stationary.
That probably makes it somewhat ironic that I am sitting here writing this…