I am nowhere near average, but I wish I were; and while I do that I say that I like being different.
What the hell is that?
I find myself contradicting what I say and think I believe everyday.* When faced with the realization that I have contradicted myself once again, I deny it. I make excuses; I lie; I cover up the truth. Those actions also contradict what I say I believe. There is something wrong with that and thus something wrong with me. Its either a flaw in my beliefs or its a flaw in my actions. Logically I blame my beliefs, Only to find that underneath the forced joy there is a need to admit that I am flawed and I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know anything.
Is this Average? Is this how things are supposed to be? Is this rawness of life? The Realization that you know relatively nothing. Are we all trying to keep any thought away by creating an endless sea of distractions? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us? Nothing? Everything? It is amazing how little anyone can know in their entire life and live as long as the next guy. The only difference is, the man that knows nothing is Happier. I guess that leads me to the question, Why not just be average?
I am going to finish this post the same way I started it. Knowing nothing more than what I do. There is no answer; no answerer.** No one that I have talked to can answer these questions. I have talked to no one about these questions. Apathy is frustrating. I feel like I am hiding something inside of me that doesn’t exist.
*Notice: When I say ‘myself’ I am declaring that I am defined by my actions
**I wanted this to be answeree, but apparently that isn’t a word.
‘Why not just be average?’ But what is ‘average’? Is there such a thing? Maybe that if you’re not weird, you’re not normal/average? Ugh. I can’t answer these questions. I can only respond with more questions and unstructured babble. I also hold similar questions, but the answer(s) is/are very elusive, if not impossible. I guess that if we do find the answer(s) we seek or the answerer, we would be essentially be ‘complete’…
Of all the things I know, humans are the most complicated.
Maybe you just need to sit back and look around, relax a bit and admit your mistakes, then move on.